How I Find Clients As An Introvert
Who is the world’s biggest introvert? Quite possibly, me.
I treasure spending time alone. My idea of a perfect evening is puttering around my house, listening to a podcast, or reading a great book under a cozy blanket.
You know you’re an introvert when your most prized possession is your soft weighted eye pillow (shout-out to NodPod!) and when someone cancels an event and you don’t have to show up, you’re thrilled!
I have a very active imagination and interior world. I can mosey about, thinking my various thoughts, and amuse myself endlessly without having people around!
I love my friends, but for me, a little social interaction goes a long way. If I spend an hour walking and talking with a good friend, or sharing a meal together, this can fill up my “social tank” (as I call it) for the next week.
In my pre-marriage, pre-child life, back when I was a single woman, I would regularly spend days upon days in blissful solitude. Quietly working on my laptop. Taking long walks by myself. Hitting the gym with my headphones on. Aside from a quick “hello, how are you?” to my barista, I would sometimes go DAYS and literally not speak to a living soul. While some might find this incredibly lonely, for me, in that particular season of my life, it was delightful.
Nowadays, things are different. I’m blessed with a wonderful husband, a rambunctious two-year-old, and work that is exciting and demanding. My family has evolved and my career has, too.
On weekdays, I head to my office in the mornings and when I get home from work, it’s a whirlwind of snacks, face paint, glitter, potty training, tantrums, bubble baths, and story-time. Weekends are filled with playdates, kids’ birthday parties, and gallivanting about. It’s a beautiful season in my life–and it has been a big adjustment! My world has expanded and now, there’s more of everything. More noise. More mess. More people. More activities. More demands on my time and energy. More uncertainty. More joy. More love.
These days, alone-time is a precious commodity! I rarely get it. When I do, I savor it like a thirsty traveler who has spent a year traversing the hot desert sands.
Now that I’m a parent, I’ve had to become more assertive in asking for what I need: “Hi babe! Can you please take Nora outside and play on the swings for 20 minutes? I need a moment to lie down and be horizontal in a silent room. Thank you!”
It’s not always easy to be an introvert “in a world that can’t stop talking,” as author Susan Cain eloquently puts it. But I love the fact that I am one. I believe introversion is one of my strengths, not a disadvantage.
As a self-employed professional (I write and edit books for a living, lead writing retreats, co-founded a bookstore, and occasionally take on copywriting projects for certain brands) I’ve had to figure out creative ways to find clients as an introvert … without going to a zillion events, being online 24/7, or running myself ragged from too much socializing.
I’ve been self-employed for 15 years, and after much trial and error, I’ve found strategies that energize me rather than draining me.
Here are a few approaches that work well for me…
Public Newsletter
I started a newsletter about 10 years ago and have gradually grown my readership to around 10,000 people. It has spread primarily through word-of-mouth. People enjoy reading it, then tell a friend about it, and it has grown slowly and organically that way.
In my newsletter, I share writing tips, inspirational true stories, plus occasional announcements about my new books, writing retreats, or whatever else I am offering at the moment.
I love this newsletter! I view it as an art project that happens to be a marketing channel. For me, it’s a creative project that’s fun to do, not a chore.
I send it once or twice a month, only when I have something remarkable to share.
Secret Newsletter
In addition to my public newsletter, I recently started a private newsletter that is only for my clients and a few close friends and colleagues, such as literary agents, acquisitions editors, and other colleagues in the publishing world. I call it The Inner Circle.
In this private newsletter, I share special offers and exciting news that I’m not necessarily ready to announce to the whole wide world yet.
The Inner Circle has just 100 subscribers. I kept it small, on purpose. Each subscriber is someone I know fairly well (we’ve met in-person, we’ve collaborated in the past, etc.) and that I personally invited to be there.
This private newsletter has become a powerful way to nurture relationships with the VIPs in my life.
I send this about once a month, too.
Podcasts
I don’t host my own podcast at the moment (maybe in the future I will!) but I’ve been a frequent guest on other people’s shows.
I estimate I’ve done around 100 podcast appearances over the last 15 years. Shows with big audiences, like Entrepreneur On Fire. Shows for writers, like The Secret Library. Shows hosted by fellow authors, like Free Time. Shows about leading an intentional life, like On Purpose. Shows hosted by friends, like Chart Your Career.
Numerous clients have told me, “I first heard about you on a podcast…” and that’s how they found their way to my work.
I enjoy being a podcast guest because I don’t have to leave my office! All I need to do is show up, share a few helpful insights, an entertaining story or two, and be a gracious guest!
Since my daughter was born, I’ve taken a step back from doing podcast appearances. I do very few these days–almost none–because I don’t have as much bandwidth as I once did. But I suspect at some point in the future, I will ramp this up again.
What’s neat is that people still find me via podcast episodes that got released years and years ago! They’re still floating out there on the Internet, and people find them, listen, and get acquainted with me and my work–even though I’m not actively recording new episodes right now.
Personal Invitations
When I have an offer to sell–like my Hawaii Writing Retreat, which happens annually in January–I make a list of dream attendees. Typically this list includes current clients, past clients, colleagues, and sometimes, people I don’t know very well (yet) but would like to know better.
I email each person individually and invite them to come.
I keep my invitation brief and polite, with zero pressure, and no attachment to whether they say “Yes!” or “Not this time.”
Rather than thinking, “I need to sell spots for my retreat!” (stressful!) I think, “I’m inviting one of my favorite people to join me at a beautiful event. I hope they can come, but if not, that’s okay. Somebody else will!” (relaxed, peaceful, exciting). This changes the energy of the invitation and leads to much better results.
For me, personal invitations work really well. Usually, I fill up 50% (or more) of my spots by doing these invites. By the time I am ready to announce the retreat to the public, it’s getting full with just a few spots left.
As entrepreneurs, we often get overly fixated on things like website traffic or social media followers, thinking THIS is the path to success.
We stay frantically busy obsessing over these metrics, rather than doing the simple steps that really move the needle, like emailing a dream client to make an offer and inviting them to say, “Yes.”
Gifts
I love sending gifts to my clients to celebrate milestones, like a birthday, book launch, or 10th business-anniversary.
I make sure the gift is something they will love, like a gift certificate to their favorite restaurant, or a bouquet of their favorite flowers. (If I’m not sure what to send, I secretly ask their assistant for tips!)
Sending a gift or snail mail “thank you” note is a good way to remain top of mind. When my client walks into their office and sees a stunning bouquet, they’re more likely to (a) remember me (b) hire me again in the future or (c) recommend me to others.
Sometimes, I send services as a gift. When a colleague’s book came out, I gifted her 5 hours with my incredible virtual assistant to assist in her book marketing efforts. My assistant compiled a list of book awards that she’d be eligible to win, creating a spreadsheet with the nomination deadlines, instructions, important links, and so on. This saved my colleague tons of time. She was delighted!
Before gifting services, I generally pause to ask, “I know that _____ is one of your top goals right now. To help you get there, I’d love to give you _____. My treat. Is that something you would like?” I check to make sure it’s something they truly want before arranging the gift.
What I DON’T do:
Social Media
I deleted all of my social media accounts 10 years ago to reclaim my time and declutter my brain. I have written about this decision here and here.
For some, social media is a great way to find clients and customers. For me, it wasn’t. It ate up a lot of my time, but didn’t provide much of an ROI.
Quitting was one of the best business decisions I ever made. It freed up an enormous amount of mental energy and creativity, and my income has grown explosively since then.
Sidebar: if it interests you, a while ago, I wrote an article called “20 Ways To Find Clients And Customers Without Using Social Media.”
What’s most important of all:
Referrals
The majority of my new clients come to me via referral from a past client. This was true 15 years ago. It remains true today.
And so, my #1 tip on how to find clients is this: be excellent at whatever you do.
Deliver exactly what you promised. Do what you said you would do. Leave your client thrilled, and most likely, they will recommend you to others.
A strong recommendation from a happy client is worth more than all the marketing or advertising efforts in the world.
Gifts, newsletters, podcast appearances, ads, webinars, email funnels–all of this is great. But ultimately, what really matters is doing a terrific job for the people who have entrusted you with their dreams.
And THAT is something every entrepreneur can do, whether they’re an extrovert, introvert, or anywhere in between.
-Alex
Get the Book: Rich Relationships: Create a Million-Dollar Network for Your Business
I wrote this piece to celebrate the release of Rich Relationships by Selena Soo. Available now!
Selena is a client, friend, and fellow introvert like me. I was honored to be her writing partner for this book.
Want more dream clients and referral partners? An incredible mentor? Colleagues who support your work and shout about it from the rooftops?
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If you love books like Give and Take by Adam Grant, and classics like How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie and Dig Your Well Before You’re Thirsty by Harvey Mackay, you will love Rich Relationships.
Get it on Selena’s website, Amazon, Bookshop, or wherever you buy books.
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“One Rich Relationship is worth more than a hundred casual connections.”
–Selena Soo
You’ll love this refreshing take on how to win in business and life. Thank you for supporting this wonderful book!
Be the lighthouse.
When Maggie Reyes started her blog, she had exactly zero readers.
Well actually, she had one. Her devoted husband.
“You can do it, babe!” he said.
“I know I can!” she said.
Modern Married — Maggie’s blog about falling in love, staying in love, and creating a marriage that feels like a honeymoon — was born.
She started posting inspirational messages and relationship tips online. At first, she had absolutely no readers aside from her husband.
I asked Maggie:
“How did you find the motivation to keep writing even though nobody was paying attention?”
She said:
“I pretended that I was a lighthouse beaming light and love out into the world. I pretended that thousands of people were listening. I wrote as if thousands of people were listening. I never missed a single post because then I’d be letting thousands of people down! I imagined that I was changing thousands of people’s lives by sharing my ideas every day.”
“Finally,” she continued, “A few people started seeing what I was doing. They started sharing it with their friends. Then a few more. Now, a few years later, I am that lighthouse!”
And so it is.
Today:
Modern Married continues to grow. Maggie retired her blog in 2020 and launched The Marriage Life Coach Podcast, which is ranked among the top 2% of podcasts out of over 3 million podcasts tracked by ListenNotes.
She was named one of “the relationship experts to watch” by The Gottman Institute, an award-winning organization that collects scientific data about marriage and divorce.
She runs a thriving practice as a relationship coach and gets paid to help couples build stronger, happier marriages. She is officially living her dream.
Oh, and she’s the author of a mega-bestselling book for couples with more than 3,800 Amazon reviews. (The book was so successful, the publisher did a spin-off card deck too.)
It all happened because Maggie wrote as if the world was already listening.
If you want to be a writer, write. If you want to be a speaker, speak. Whatever you want to do, behave as if it is already your vocation.
Operate like the world is already listening.
Perform like a musician rocking out to a packed stadium, even if (in reality) you’re playing to an audience of one.
Don’t hold back. Don’t be stingy. Give it your all.
Be the lighthouse.
The people who need what you provide will arrive, gathering to bask in your light.
What’s Next?
When my mom turned 40, she had three children (including an infant) and a successful career in the performing arts.
Being a singer and dancer had always been her dream. She fought tooth and nail to make that dream a reality. She’d done it for 20 years.
But dreams can change.
At 40, she was tired of physically grueling auditions, rehearsals, and performances. Many nights, she’d get home long after my siblings and I went to bed. The hustle she once loved didn’t feel enlivening anymore.
She wanted a new season in her career. Something different.
“What’s next?” she wondered. She didn’t have a clear vision.
Over the next year, my mom took 50 people out for coffee. One per week.
Each time, she sat down with a friend, colleague, or mentor and asked, “What’s new?” “What are you working on lately?” “What’s lighting you up?” She also shared, “I’m ready for a career change and open to new ideas.”
She figured, “If I’m stuck in a rut and don’t know what’s next, the best thing to do is talk to people doing interesting work and expose myself to new possibilities.”
50 coffee dates later, mom applied for a teaching position at a community college in their vocal department … which led to meeting a songwriter named Anais Mitchell … which led to producing a Tony and Grammy Award-winning Broadway show, Hadestown.
Her career unfolded in surprising directions. It all started with a willingness to take one person out for a latte.
As I head towards my 40th birthday, I’m feeling eerily similar to my mom. Hungry for a new season in my career. But what? I’m not sure.
For now, I will follow in her footsteps and simply let people know, “I’m open to new possibilities.”
Who knows where one conversation may lead?
-Alex
PS. Reach out to someone you admire. Ask, “What’s lighting you up these days?” You may learn about a project, idea, or opportunity that pulls you in a direction you never expected.
Give Yourself a Raise
Erin was a frazzled business owner running a Pilates studio—with two kids at home. She worked nonstop but never had enough money. Each month was so tight. Sometimes, she had just enough to cover her expenses. Other times, not even that.
After developing a splitting headache that wouldn’t go away, she landed in the hospital and found out she had a serious condition. Her brain and spinal cord were inflamed due to a viral infection. And, her immune system was impaired due to chronic stress. Her doctor pleaded with her to stop working for a while and go on bedrest.
While she resisted at first (“I can’t afford to stop working, not even for a couple days!”) she ultimately relented. She recognized that her health must come first—for her sake, and for her daughters’ sake too.
This unexpected pause gave Erin space to re-evaluate her entire business—and life.
She realized that she’d been severely undercharging her clients, which kept her trapped in a cycle of overworking and underearning.
She had an epiphany: “I need to give my business a complete makeover.” Step one? Raising her prices.
She crunched the numbers and figured out a new pricing model—one that would be sustainable. She rolled out the new pricing to her clients. She confronted her worst fears (“Nobody will pay these higher prices,” “My clients will abandon me and go somewhere cheaper”) but vowed to stick with her plan anyway. “This is not optional. It has to be done.”
Thanks to these changes, the Pilates studio shifted from struggling to thriving. Finally, she could work less, earn more, and had space to breathe. Later, she sold the studio for 40x her original investment. (Round of applause for this savvy CEO!)
In life, often, there’s one glaring issue that we don’t want to confront. It’s like a flat tire. Even if the rest of the car is perfectly fine—with a flat tire? It’s not going to run optimally. Or at all.
For Erin, the flat tire was pricing. She was charging too little, which meant she needed to work longer hours to make ends meet, which meant she exhausted herself, which led to a health crisis. It took tremendous courage, but she eventually confronted this issue, fixed it, and got the car cruising like never before.
What is your flat tire?
It could be pricing. It could be clutter. Over-committing and stuffing your schedule to the gills. Compulsively scrolling on your phone. Or another financial, emotional, mental, physical, or relationship pattern that you do not want to look at.
Imagine what would happen if you confronted this flat tire and made a plan to resolve it. It would bring immediate relief into your life. It might change everything.
Erin’s story reminds me that transformation is possible at any time. Flat tires can be repaired. People do it every day.
No matter how bleak things seem right now, it’s never too late to make the changes you should’ve made years ago.
Your story is not over yet.
-Alex
PS. Erin told me, “I want to write a book” and asked if I’d be her writing coach and editor on the project. After hearing her story, I joyfully agreed. Her book is called Give Yourself a Raise: The Mindset and Math You Need to Get to Your First Million.
If you wonder, “Why don’t I have enough money?” “Will people still hire me if I charge more?” “But what should I charge, anyway?!” … read this book or listen to the audiobook.
Ask for Miracles
Robert and I walked to the coffee shop. It was nearly 5 pm but we both needed a jolt of caffeine. He seemed distant and preoccupied.
“Are you doing okay?” I asked.
He said, “I got some bad news.”
Long story short…
Robert bought a 200 year old house that was built at a time when slavery was still legal Federally in the United States. Robert—a Black gay man—vowed to renovate the home and fill it with love.
“I will make my ancestors proud and say their names,” he wrote shortly after signing the paperwork to buy the house, which was old, crumbling, and in dire need of TLC.
More than an ordinary home renovation, this project symbolized hope and possibility.
“We can build a future that is better than our past.”
The project caught the attention of Oprah Winfrey. Ms. Winfrey’s network offered Robert the opportunity to do a home renovation TV show. He joyfully agreed.
The bad news? Robert found out—abruptly and unexpectedly—that he would need an additional $300,000 in order to secure the home renovation loan and begin construction. He needed to pull this cash together extremely quickly or the loan—and the show—would be canceled.
Robert explained, “I used all my cash to buy the house. I don’t have another $300k sitting around at this exact moment. I don’t know where I’m going to find that money.”
“There are Black and brown kids who’ve never seen someone who looks like me hosting a major TV show—an entrepreneur, a homeowner, a queer person. Representation matters so much,” Robert continued. “I want this show to happen…for them.”
We walked in silence, processing, thinking. I made a quiet suggestion.
“Robert, this might sound completely wild, but here’s an idea. What if you make a list of 50 people. Friends. Colleagues. Clients. Reach out to each person one by one. Explain why this show matters. Ask each person to contribute financially to support the show. Make 50 Asks in 50 Days.”
“Worst case scenario, they all say no,” I said. “But even if that happens, at least you’ll know that you gave your all. You can feel peace of mind because you’ll know that you really tried.”
Robert went back to his apartment. He got a notepad and made a list of people to contact. And, he spent the next 50 days asking for miracles.
He wrote emails. He requested meetings. He hopped on Zoom. He went to events.
Piece by piece, the funding came in. One colleague offered $25,000. Another signed a check for $10,000. Another gave $50,000—and told Robert about a swanky event where he could network and meet more people who might want to contribute. She urged him to go (and he did).
It was 24 hours before the loan deadline. Robert raised a ton of money but hadn’t reached his $300,000 goal yet. He needed to make one more Big Ask—and needed to do it fast.
He contacted a CEO and asked if they could meet for five minutes…that day. The CEO said, “Okay.”
Robert’s stomach contorted inside out. He was drenched with nervous sweat. He patted himself dry, pulled his shoulders back, and marched into the CEO’s office. He told his story. He described the TV program and what it meant. He asked for support on behalf of all the people whose lives would be impacted by this show.
“How much do you need?” asked the CEO.
“$150k,” answered Robert. Pause. “By 9 am tomorrow.”
The CEO was stunned (understandably so) and said, “Let me sleep on it.”
Early next morning, the CEO emailed Robert and said, “I’ve wired the funds.” He added, “I believe in you. Next time you come to me for an investment, I hope you’ll ask for a million.”
Dear human being who is reading this story…
I know there is something you want.
It might be funding for your project, a book deal, an opportunity to serve humanity on a bigger scale, or perhaps a shift in your life that is small and private, not big and public.
I know you’ve been trying to make it happen.
But what if you dedicated the next 50 days to really trying?
What if you made 50 Asks in 50 Days (like Robert did), or did 50 Acts of Courage in 50 Days, or introduced yourself to 50 Potential Clients in 50 Days, or wrote 5 Pages Every Day for 50 Days?
What if you went for it with your whole heart, instead of tip-toeing around it?
Even when it’s 24 hours before the deadline and you’ve tried everything, try one more time. Courage gets rewarded. Miracles happen. Sometimes at the very last second.
Today is not over yet.
-Alex
PS. Robert approves this message. He hopes you’ll go make Big Asks and create miracles today.
PPS. Watch Robert’s show, Breaking New Ground, on HBO Max. It will inspire you to renovate something in your life, whether it’s a house, business, relationship, or way of thinking.